Dating Question About Trust And Condom Use

Mercedes asks, "What does it mean if you find an unwrapped condom in your boyfriends truck, and he says his friend accidentally left it there because he lent out his truck so the friend could see a girl?"

Touchy question Mercedes, and a lot of how I'd answer this dating question depends on your relationship about both how the information was shared, as well as how it went down. Have you been dating more than six months, or is this a relatively new dating relationship? Has your boyfriend given you reason not to trust him before? Are the two of you using condoms? Have you been tested recently for STDs? Does your boyfriend routinely lend out his truck to friends for similar reasons? Was the condom merely unwrapped or (ick) used?

These types of situations are always shocking to someone who didn't see it coming no matter how solid your relationship is or how long you've been dating. Sure, your boyfriend could have warned you that he lent out his truck before the nasty surprise, but if he really did do as he's saying, then its also not unheard of to have that kind of detail slip his mind either. I'll talk more about this in a moment.

At the same time, you don't want to be risking your sexual health with a man who isn't trustworthy either. Has he given you reason to be suspicious before? Have you been going through a rocky patch? Has he shown any other [signs of cheating]( If he has, I'd be both having a discussion with him about it as well as not having unprotected sex with the man. But if he's given you no other reason to question him, why would you start now?

Case in point: when I first started dating the man I'm seeing now, he had an ex-girlfriend invite him to a going away party. He asked to borrow my car so he could attend because his was in the shop, so I willingly gave him the keys. I knew there was nothing between them anymore and he merely wanted to wish her well. The next day when he returned my car, I got into the passenger seat (he usually drives when we're together) and found the seat pushed way back, and a headband with sparkly balls attached with springs (the kind of thing people wear at a bar party) next to the seat. My first reaction wasn't a positive one - so I kept it to myself. What I did say however, as I pulled out the headgear, was, "Oh my, and what is this?" My guy turned beet red and shared, "I know how it looks. The ex got really drunk and I couldn't let her drive home like that. So I offered her and her friend a lift. The seat is pushed back because I had her playing tunes off my computer since you don't have a stereo, and I had to see past her to drive properly."

We've only mentioned the incident in passing since, and its always been with laughter. Why? Because his story was not only plausible, he was so embarrassed that he hadn't beaten me to the punch that I couldn't have believed otherwise. As well, I know he's not out to hurt me, and he hadn't given me a reason not to believe him. So although my first reaction was a visceral, reactive one, it had very little to do with reality. I trust my partner, and I like to think it shows. If I had to question whether or not his story was true and tear myself up over it, I'd have to stop dating him.

But what do you think dear readers? Should Mercedes be worried, has she not given us enough information, or are there other things you'd suggest she try?

[Dating Question About Trust And Condom Use]( originally appeared on [ Dating]( on Friday, September 11th, 2009 at 13:17:18.

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