Heartbreak asks: _"A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I got engaged. The past year of our relationship has been nothing short of amazing, and we've both often spoken about how truly special our love is for each other. Last night, we got into a bit of an argument (which happens every few weeks or so), and when it was clear that nothing constructive was being said, I grabbed my laptop that he had been using and went upstairs to be alone for a while. When I opened my laptop, his online social network account was open and in the "messages" section. To my utter shock and dismay, there were messages that he sent to almost 10 RANDOM, foreign women, introducing himself and saying he would "like to get to know them better".
I confronted him about the messages which, at first, he denied being anything more than spam, but when I showed him the impossibility of the messages being spam since HE INITIATED THEM, he fell silent. I packed up my things, hysterically crying from heartbreak, and went to stay at my friend's house. When I got back in the morning to grab my toothbrush, he tried hard to reconcile. I told him that I didn't know if I could get past his lying to me and what it meant regarding the commitment we'd just made to one another.
He insists that he's had this "problem" for a while and that its started up again because he's not getting the [affection](http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://dating.about.com/b/2009/04/22/send-affection-and-save-your-heart.htm) that he needs from me. He brought up wanting me to be more "effusive" with him in the past, maybe a few times at most, and never let on that this inadequacy was driving him down an old vice of his. I am lost and heartbroken and don't know if I can believe him or trust him ever again. Can someone please lend any advice on what I should do? Has anyone experienced similar lying and, if so, was a reconciliation possible and how?"_
Thanks for your challenging question Heartbreak, which is more common of a situation than you might think. I've answered it in an article about [Lying and Commitment](http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://dating.about.com/od/datingissues/qt/lyingandcommitment.htm), but in the meantime readers, what advice to you have for this heartbroken woman?
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Related: [Getting A Loved One Help](http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://addictions.about.com/od/howaddictionhappens/a/Helplovedone.htm), [Tips For Communicating With An Addicted Loved One](http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://addictions.about.com/od/communicationtips/tp/communicationtips.htm).
[Reader Questions Whether Or She Can Work Through Her Fiancee's Lying About Online Contact](http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://dating.about.com/b/2009/07/30/lying-and-commitment.htm) originally appeared on [About.com Dating](http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://dating.about.com/) on Thursday, July 30th, 2009 at 13:35:35.
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