Reader Question - What Does 'Take Things Slow' Mean To Him?

Out There asks: "I'm 41 and have been dating a guy for about six weeks now. We've been out 7 times and each time has been great. We have good chemistry, great conversation, lots of laughs and get along very well. In between dates we email/text/talk daily. It seems to be a good match but so far he has barely kissed me. A goodnight kiss is all. I even asked for him to kiss me once and he made it quick and said it wasn't the right moment. We've talked about wanting to take it slow which I am fine with, but I am an affectionate person and I feel like I can't be myself in this way. I'm not ready to sleep with him, just want to be able to hold hands and kiss! Starting to wonder if there is an issue? He is admittedly guarded but says he has let me into his world and I am special to him. Could he just want to be friends? Do guys really invest this kind of time and energy into someone they are not really into?"

I'd love to hear some 40-something men chime in on this one, because, well, I don't fit the demographic. But my take is that he really does want to take things slow, and perhaps is even a [romantic]( I can think of several men I know who go out of their way to take things a _lot_ slower than they normally would with a woman they see potential in for a lifelong relationship.

But the issue isn't that he wants to take things slow, but rather that you feel clipped in your ability to express your affection for the man. For you, holding hands and kissing is important in a relationship, even in the early stages, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So why not take his hand the next time the two of you are out walking together and see what happens? Worst case scenario is that he tells you he doesn't want to and then you can broach the subject, just make sure to be kind and listen well. I do however believe he's into you, its just a matter of how and if he shows his interest in a physical way.

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Sex Lessons for Christian Singles

Not what you expected? The following “sex lessons” for singles was submitted by John, a Sunday School teacher of 20-somenting singles:

Hi! I am a Sunday school teacher and I teach the age group 19-25 currently I am teaching sex lessons on how to resist the lure of sexual sin.You know God is totally awesome! He created everyone of us with a sex drive with sexual feelingsand he knows the struggles and sexual temptationswe face everyday whether single, married,divorced or widowed.

Sex Lessons in Temptation

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Interpersonal Dating Relationship Tips

_The following article on interpersonal relationship tips was writtten by a Christian single by the name of Hazel: _

I have just broken up with a guy who I was convinced was the one. I truly believe God in his providence allowed me to pursue a relationship with this guy to prepare me for the person he truly has for me. The truth is this guy became like an idol to me and was way more important than Jesus, (although I was in denial about this!!!.)

Top 4 Interpersonal Relationship Tips

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Reader Question - Can I Make Him Want More Than Friends With Benefits With Me?

Melanie asks: I am 20, single and am seeing this 24-year-old guy named Adam. When we met a month ago we went on a date to go see a movie, and it was obvious that we liked each other. Our second date we went to his house, watched a movie and then became friends with benefits. About 20 days ago and handful of dates later, and I told him that I wanted a relationship with him because I liked him so much, and that friends with benefits wasn't working for me anymore. His response? "I'm not looking for a relationship."

Two days ago I asked him out, but he replied quite angrily, "I already told you I don't want a relationship!" Yet just before I asked him out he said he thought about me the day before, and hast he wanted to cuddle with me even though he normally hates it.

I really want a relationship with Adam and not just a friends with benefits relationship! Is there any way I can convince him?

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The Difference Between Loving Someone And Being 'In Love'

Like many of you, I read a lot of dating blogs on a regular basis. One of my favorites is Evan Marc Katz, who some of you may be familiar with for having written Why You're Still Single. Although he's no longer single, having gotten married last year to a woman he met online, he's still dolling out excellent dating advice to his readers.

One such advice column is, "I[s It Ok To Love Someone But Not Be In Love](". In it, a reader asks what his girlfriend of two and a half years means when she told him she loves him but isn't 'in love' with him anymore, and how that affects their plans to buy a house together and marry within the next year. Katz's response to the reader is bang on, but that's not the reason for this blog posting today.

Rather, I want to talk about the feeling of being 'in love', and how it can blind us to a partnership of our dreams. Katz's blog posting got me thinking about this elusive but oh-so-wonderful feeling, and [how we know we're in love]( in the first place. Also, is saying to someone that you care for them deeply, but aren't feeling that passionate oozy goodness anymore really a bad thing, or is it more an evolution of what truly loving someone is?

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Smell Dating? Dating Science? Pheremones and Speed Dating Take A New Leap

There's a relatively new trend in dating spheres these days, one that takes people's DNA and matches them via smell, immunity and/or biochemical matchmaking. The creators of such dating services, such as DNA Dating and GenePartner, ask users to pay a fee ranging from one hundred to several thousand dollars, take a DNA sample, and then match singles with other users in their databases using complex matching algorithms, primarily taking into account ones immune system.

I was interviewed on this same topic earlier last week by the New York Times, which owns [Blinded By Science In The Online Dating Game]( touches on some of the issues and debates regarding these kinds of programs, although it focuses more on online matchmaking science a la [eHarmony]( and []( What the article didn't touch on was the pheromone side of the science of matchmaking, namely the use of a scent that supposedly makes folks irresistible to others.

Personally, I've used [used pheromones to attract people](, and tested them while on a date as well as randomly. In both instances, the people whose company I kept either mentioned the fragrance, or reacted differently to me than they normally would have. But I still have to wonder if the use of these pheromones masked my natural scent - and thus messed with my own personal 'DNA compatibility', similarly to how women taking birth control pills choose dramatically different men (from an immunological perspective) than when they were Pill-free.

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Facebook Shows Married Man His Wife's Picture In Dating Ad

Via a flurry of Twitter posts today, I learned through Mashable that a man who'd been surfing Facebook recently had an ad pop up that showed a photo of his wife, along with a caption that urged him to contact local hot singles today. Luckily both members of the married couple have a good sense of humor, as the wife blogged about it. (Note: page worked earlier today but hasn't for the past two hours).

How could something like this happen? Easy. Facebook sells ad space to various companies, allowing them (if your profile settings show its ok) to access your data as well as your friends list to provide supposedly contextual and highly-targeted marketing messages. I've had several friends tell me they'd seen my photo in similar ads, but I thought it had something to do with this blog or [my Facebook fan page]( and thought nothing of it. After reading the Mashable piece however, I went and changed my settings.

If you don't mind your face showing up on your friends' Facebook pages along with a similar caption, you don't have to do a thing. But if you - like me - would rather your face not used for advertising purposes, then log into your Facebook account and do as [Download Squad]( suggests:

"All you have to do to prevent this is sign in to Facebook and click through to (get ready) -> Settings -> Privacy -> News Feed and Wall -> Facebook Ads -> Appearance in Facebook Ads and click 'no one.'"

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Reader Asks What To Do About Her Fiance's Game Addiction

Lady Christian asks: _About a month ago my fiance got addicted to a computer game World of Warcraft (WoW), and now I get no time with him. He used to be all about being a family, but now he will spend hours on that game. One night it was for 11 hours and last night it was 8 hours. He is on night shifts so I understand him having to staying up all night on his days off. Still, I'm so lonely!

I've told him how I feel repeatedly, but he thinks I'm being stupid and is mad that I'm hurt. I don't know what to do! I love him so much. But I'm also tired of being lonely and doing everything all the time while he is sitting at the computer. What should I do? I'm so confused right now. His sister and her husband play too, so he keeps telling me I need to play so I won't be so "pissy". Well, I don't want to play. I want to spend time with him, but he just doesn't get that. Help!_

I've got a lengthy answer to Lady Christian's question about game addiction, and what she can do to reconnect with her partner, so I've written a corresponding article about it: [Game Addiction Advice](

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If you find a coupon, unfortunately its probably bogus because they rarely exist. What does do however is offer free communication weekends once every three or four months - such as this weekend coming up. Billed as the matchmaking site that doesn't turn away users because of their sexual orientation, is currently only available for US-based singles. I've used a rando URL I found through a search, as I'm unable to use the kind of link required to make this coupon work with an blog. Enjoy! (And feel free to comment if the coupon works - or doesn't - for you).

Coupon Code: unfortunately must use link, codes are not valid for this program - Free Weekend

Good For: Friday July 16th, July 17th and Sunday July 18th, 2009 only.

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Reader Question - Cheating With a Younger Man

Joe asks: "I am 34 and dating a 44 year old woman. We met in kinda questionable circumstances as she was still married and living with her husband. Two weeks after we started to see each other, she told me that she was going to meet some friends in another state for the weekend. One night in a drunken spillage she told me that she really flew there to meet and have sex with a 20 year old.

I knew that she was married and I was wrong but I thought that I was the only other guy. She is divorced now and wants to have a serious relationship with me but the fact that she flew away to have sex with a 20 year old boy kinda bothers me. I tried to talk to her about as I do feel that it is a bit sick to do so as she could be his mother not to mention that I feel that she found this boy more attractive than me in order to fly to meet him. She claims that she didn't think that we were exclusive but then I don't know why she did lie to me about it. Is it me or is this kinda sick? I feel that what she did is almost the equivalent of me having sex with a 10 year old. Advice please?"

Joe, your disgust at the age difference between this newly-divorced woman and her fling seems to be the most pressing issue in your advice request, but let's clarify first. If I read your email correctly:

  • You met a woman who was married and started a sexual relationship with her, knowing it was wrong but doing it anyway;
  • Two weeks after meeting, she flew out of state to have sex with a man 24 years her junior and lied to you about it initially;
  • This woman is now divorced and wants to pursue something serious with you, but you're hung up about what she did prior to a commitment, and how you feel it reflects upon you.

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