Reader Question - What Does 'Take Things Slow' Mean To Him?
Out There asks: "I'm 41 and have been dating a guy for about six weeks now. We've been out 7 times and each time has been great. We have good chemistry, great conversation, lots of laughs and get along very well. In between dates we email/text/talk daily. It seems to be a good match but so far he has barely kissed me. A goodnight kiss is all. I even asked for him to kiss me once and he made it quick and said it wasn't the right moment. We've talked about wanting to take it slow which I am fine with, but I am an affectionate person and I feel like I can't be myself in this way. I'm not ready to sleep with him, just want to be able to hold hands and kiss! Starting to wonder if there is an issue? He is admittedly guarded but says he has let me into his world and I am special to him. Could he just want to be friends? Do guys really invest this kind of time and energy into someone they are not really into?"
I'd love to hear some 40-something men chime in on this one, because, well, I don't fit the demographic. But my take is that he really does want to take things slow, and perhaps is even a [romantic](http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/1hc&zu=http://dating.about.com/od/dateideas/tp/romanticdateideas.htm). I can think of several men I know who go out of their way to take things a _lot_ slower than they normally would with a woman they see potential in for a lifelong relationship.
But the issue isn't that he wants to take things slow, but rather that you feel clipped in your ability to express your affection for the man. For you, holding hands and kissing is important in a relationship, even in the early stages, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So why not take his hand the next time the two of you are out walking together and see what happens? Worst case scenario is that he tells you he doesn't want to and then you can broach the subject, just make sure to be kind and listen well. I do however believe he's into you, its just a matter of how and if he shows his interest in a physical way.