Single Parent Dating - Who Comes First, Your Kids Or Your Partner?

I'm working my way through the book The Rules of Love by Richard Templar (Buy Direct). In it, Templar outlines what he feels are the rules everyone must follow in order to find and keep a happy romantic relationship. Some of his rules are contentions, but none more so (in my opinion) than #46 - Your Partner Is More Important Than Your Kids.

More important, you say? Tell that to the hundreds of thousands of single parents around the world today, and see what their reaction is. I'll hazard most of them would blanch at this suggestion, much less agree with it. And frankly, the first thing that came to mind for me when I read #46 was a horrible story where a single parent did rank their partner over their kids: a woman - whose boyfriend was in jail for stalking her and uttering threats - was told by one of her children that they didn't like said boyfriend. The Mom in turn defended the boyfriend's actions, saying he was a good, solid man. Not the best of thought processes for sure, but I'll hazard many single parents think of a similar type of situation when discussing who has priority in their lives.

As I read Templar's rule however, I softened a bit. He wasn't saying that [single parents dating]( shouldn't spend less time with their kids. Rather, he says that a single parent's children will take up the brunt of one's time. I quote:

"... it's crucial that your partner is the primary focus of your life, even while your responsibility and time commitment to the children is greater. I'm not saying you should love them best because there's enough love for everyone and it's a very different kind of love. But never lose sight of the fact that having children at home is temporary (albeit long term temporary) whereas your partner is for life."

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Reader Question About Bad Kissing

Sarah asks, "My boyfriend is a really bad kisser. Is there something I can do?"

You don't say specifically why your boyfriend is a bad kisser, so I have to assume he's doing something that you don't enjoy. Too much tongue perhaps, or maybe he doesn't understand the tempo or rhythm of a great kiss. Either way the fix is fairly straightforward: make a game out of it. Tell your boyfriend you want to try something new, and ask him to follow what you do - a mime if you would. Ask him to close his eyes, open his mouth slightly, and be flexible with whatever comes his way. Then kiss him the way you like to be kissed, teasing him gently if he starts doing his own thing instead of taking your lead. "Ah, ah, this is _my_ version of Simon Says, and Sarah says close your eyes and relax!"

You could also try different methods of kissing to get some new ideas for the both of you to try. Make a night of it even, attempting to mimic the kisses in your favorite movies, or teach each other how to give a 'screen kiss' just in case one of you decides to become a famous actor and, well, you know. Take [kissing quizzes](, make a list of all the different types of kisses there are, or tell him you read about a [new kissing technique]( you'd like to try out. Point is, have fun with it, and be open to learning something new yourself. And whenever your partner's bad kissing turns into something divine, make sure to moan or otherwise display your pleasure so he knows without question he's on the right track.

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Purposeful Living-Finding Your SHAPE for a Joyful life

purposeful-livingWhether single or married, most all people desire to find purpose, to discover where they “fit in” to this thing we call life. It’s so sad that there are so many people out there who are not living with purpose, and have no reason to get up each morning. Would you fall into this category?

The great news today is that God created each of us for a mission in this world. He has given each of us a unique SHAPE. What we mean by this is that He has given each of us special gifts and talents that He wants us to use for Him and others. Guess what? When we find our SHAPE and live by it, we find that elusive purpose and joy wev’e been yearning for our entire lives. is proud to bring you today’s Christian podcast from Pastor Nelson Nelson Searcy the Journey Church on the subject of finding your SHAPE for a purposeful life. I guarantee you’ll get alot out of it.

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Dating in the Dark

One of the dating forum regulars tipped me off to a new dating show called Dating in the Dark, where participants meet other singles in an attempt connect minus the use of their sight. The prsemise is simple, although so far the results have netted almost exclusively the same end result: the men were more willing to date the women they'd met in the dark than vice versa.

The concept makes me think of a book I just finished reading called Sex Comes First: 15 Ways To Save Your Relationship Without Leaving The Bedroom. In a chapter focusing on lack of intimacy in a romantic relationship, the authors discuss a study undertaken where the participants were left in an unlit room together. 90% of the people in the room went out of their way to touch someone else, and 50% hugged another person in the room. In the control group hanging out in a lit room however, none of the participants made any attempts to touch anyone else.

It also makes me think of the smell dating event that Dial put on a few weeks back that I also blogged about (see: [Smell Dating?](, where the female participants were blindfolded and asked to smell the robed male singles in attendance, half of whom had showered with a new pheromone-laced body wash Dial recently released. The organizers sent me a note afterwards to inform me that the event was a huge success, with several couples wanting to date after the event, and one couple in particular that hit it off so well they went home together.

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Married Dating-Avoiding the Trap

The following article on married dating was written by an anonymous Christian single woman who got caught up in the trap of dating a married guy. Although she knew the warning signs of how to tell she was dating a married guy, she shares this here as a warning for those tempted with a married dating relationship:

Last year, I was applying for a job and sent my resume to different consultants. I was excited to see a website by a Trainer who posted verses and included Christian messages. He interviewed me online and then met personally for an “interview”. Later on our relationship developed into a romantic one, but the business venture didn’t push through. He said he had cancer and so I felt time may be against us, and soon the relationship went very fast.

He said he was a Christian and wanted to honor God in all he does - which made me fall in true love with him even more. I had always prayed and waited on God for a soulmate, a man who will be my spiritual partner.

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The Newest Age Gap Relationship Rumor

Is 73-year-old Morgan Freeman dating his 27-year-old step-granddaughter, while still married to second wife Myrna Colley-Lee? The net is all abuzz about the age gap relationship, but Freeman's publicist has been quoted as saying the rumor is "complete garbage".

Yet the National Enquirer has run a story stating E'Dena Hines, who Freeman has raised with Colley-Lee since the end of his first [marriage](, has been having a decade-long affair with Freeman. How did the Enquirer get this information? Supposedly, [Freeman's divorce]( documents mention the relationship with Hines as a reason for the breakup.

I can't find any reliable sources for the alleged relationship and whether or not Morgan Freeman dating his step-daughter is bogus or not, but this isn't the first time an age gap dating relationship has made headlines; in 1997 Woody Allen (then 55) married Soon-Yi Previn (then 22), the young woman he'd raised as his own with former live-in lover Mia Farrow. Reports stated Previn was Allen's step-daughter, however Farrow and Allen never married and thus was never Previn's legal guardian. Photos show the couple still together in 2009 attending film festivals together, hand in hand.

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Perfectmatch Discounts

This now in: Perfectmatch is offering some great Perfectmatch discounts through Christian Dating Service Plus. If you are a single Christian looking for a soul mate who shares your Christian dating faith, then you can find a date. Following these special Perfectmatch links. Hurry because this Perfectmatch offer ends on 9/30/09.

Perfectmatch Discount Offers

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Single and Loving It-Christian Relationships

From our info gathering at Christian Dating Service Plus, most single Christians who come on this site would say that are generally happy people. I wouldn’t say they are single and loving it, but they are getting by and living the single life with contentment

However, the one area where Christian singles struggle the most is maintaining sexual purity in their relatuonships. The yearning for emotional and physical intimacy can be just plain overwhelming at times, and many have fallen for the sex before marriage trap. Yet, having a proper and godly perspective on sex, relationships, and singleness can help singles avoid needless guilt when they do fall and move on to restore full fellowship with God.

Some have written us asking why we broadcast similar stuff more than once a year. The answer here is simple: People keep coming back or more dating advice on this topic.

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Dating Question - I Don't Want To Lose Him, But He Needs Space

Toto asks: "I have been dating this guy for 5 weeks now. The first two weeks were great but by the 3rd week I began to notice that there was a distance building between us. He was calling less often and we were spending less time together. Last week I asked him if there was a problem and he said that he felt that the dating was moving quickly towards a relationship/ commitment when he was not really ready for one. He said that he was experiencing financial difficulty at the moment and he didnt want to get into anything serious unless he was sure his career was headed in the right direction. I really want this to work because I feel a connection with him and I think that this can be really special. But he is making it more and more difficult for me to get through to him, and I dont want to lose him. What should I do?"

Miss Toto, you are coming on too strong for this guy that you've barely started to date. You're asking for way too much, way too early, and your gent has been kind enough to say so. Him telling you what he needs is a great thing - now all you have to do is hear him, instead of continuing to try and "get through to him". He's made up his mind, and no amount of cajoling on your part will change that. If anything, it'll make him run for the hills.

Let's break down what he's told you so far:

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Reader Question About Whether She Should Get Her Ex Back

Confusted asks: "My boyfriend and I split up over five months ago. He cheated on me and then left after three years. Its been really hard on me and I miss him more then anything. Lately he's been calling my friends trying to get back into my life. I don't know what to do at this point. I can't trust him but I feel like I can't be without him. What should I do?"

I get this question a lot, although usually there are some variations, either in the form of getting caught cheating, wondering if he/she was going to cheat, or getting back together but repeating the same issues that were present before (sometimes cheating related, sometimes not). My answer for each of these situations is quite similar: if you can't trust your partner, then you shouldn't get your ex back. Period.

Can trust be re-earned? Definitely, but it isn't a quick, easy or terribly pleasant path for anyone involved when cheating is a factor, in my experience. The person who behaved poorly has to recognize their mistake(s), admit responsibility, get help with whatever behavior led them to the breach of trust, and then actively work with their partner regularly to ensure it never happens again. But the other person isn't off the hook either, they'll still need to review how their actions contributed to the situation - just as long as dating violence wasn't a factor - and work through any unfinished business as well.

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